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Begetting Faith as told by Tonyka and Jonita McKinney

By Gwen Clemons -
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It was their motivation to bolster understanding of what it means to be Black, Gay, and Christian that led Tonyka and Jonita McKinney to participate in the BET documentary Holler If You Hear Me: Black and Gay in the Church. In the film, the couple was interviewed during the days leading up to their May 2015 marriage ceremony. During this time, Tonyka’s mother, a devout Christian, decided that supporting their marriage was something her religious beliefs simply couldn’t allow, calling their union a mistake she could not believe God would make.

For Tonyka, growing up as a Preacher’s Kid had already come with its own set of challenges, especially with respect to walking in the truth of who she is. When she came out, her family shunned her, including the uncle who’d helped raise her and taught her how to read. Nevertheless, her mother’s refusal to attend their wedding felt like an unexpected blow. “My mother is my best friend,” says Tonyka, “so as you can imagine, her choice not to attend my wedding was emotionally challenging for me. It’s still impossible for me to understand how the same God I love and serve daily, the same God she’s raised me to honor, could lead her to the conclusions she has about same-gender loving people.” Months after the documentary, not much about her mother’s position has changed.

While tensions and difficulties persist, the conversation is not over. Their faith drives their marriage, their life together, and their standard for living in a way that draws others to Christ. Understanding that they are confirmation of God’s love, that no one can deny His hand in their lives, Tonyka and Jonita continue to use their faith to touch the lives of others. Tonyka works as a public health consultant, while Jonita serves as a Sergeant in the United States Army and is founder of Redefining Fire-Atlanta, a non-profit that uses dance to transform the social, emotional, and spiritual well-being of at-risk youth. Graced with the mutual desire to change lives one heart and one person at a time, Tonyka and Jonita feel especially honored by their unique opportunity to display something many around them have never otherwise experienced: a healthy, loving, committed, Christ-centered same-gender relationship.

Raising three amazing children together, the couple feels called to combat the ignorance that threatens to block LGBTQ persons from accessing Christendom because they believe themselves undeserving of God’s love. “Our ability to love and live just as we are has the power to change the perceptions of others,” Tonyka declares. “We will work our entire lives to let them know that God and his love are available to them too.” Others have thanked them for saving their lives because they hadn’t known that it was possible to be Christian and gay. Though challenges remain, they have overcome their own setbacks by developing personal relationships with Christ. Attending the Vision Church of Atlanta, the couple believes they’ve been blessed with one of the greatest bishops on this side of heaven, Bishop OC Allen, III, who ministers, “The only opinion of you that matters is God’s.” Likewise, their own mission is to encourage others to understand the importance of discovering for themselves how God feels about them, rather than ever allowing anyone else to dictate to them what God says about them.

“As long as you stay in a place where what Mama, Auntie, or Uncle told you about yourself continues to make you feel inferior,” Tonyka insists, “you will never be able to truly embrace who God designed you to be.” Their sincere prayer is for everyone they meet to develop the ability to find comfort and confidence in the fact that God’s love for them is immeasurable, that God makes no mistakes, that they were created on purpose and for God’s purpose. They realize that for others who are still afraid to come out of the closet, it is liberating for people to see them living their lives as they are.

Together, Tonyka and Jonita intend to leave a legacy of loving God, living for God, raising their children to follow God, and loving each other with the Love of God. After all is said and done, their life together will be their worship.

“Words Never Spoken” A Memoir (Volume 1)

By Gwen Clemons -
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Craig Stewart is one of America’s most gifted writers. His work debuted on stage in Atlanta with A Day in the Life, wowing sold out audiences and critics alike. Stewart returns with his highly anticipated memoir, Words Never Spoken slated for release May 2012. Said to be Stewart’s most revealing and personal work yet, Words Never Spoken details his journey as a songwriter, entrepreneur, playwright and self-discovery as a gay Black man living in Atlanta. . . . Words Never Spoken reads like a diary that was never intended for the eyes of anyone other than its author. Stewart opens up about his struggles with love, friendships and a two-year bout with depression that led to an internet sex addiction.
– summary excertped from Amazon.com
an excerpt from
Words Never Spoken: A Memoir By Craig Stewart (Volume 1)

One of the best parts of life is when you can admit the truth to yourself about yourself. Thus, I’ve come to understand my experience with anonymous sex with strangers I met on the internet resulted from a bout with depression.

Cyberspace is a world where one can become something he isn’t, but everything he dares to be. One can find whatever he cares to imagine because the biggest part of the illusion is what’s created in the mind of the person logging on—it’s the story we create about a total stranger that allows us to be enraptured in conversation for countless hours until we’re bold enough to meet.

Many of the characters online are there for sex and demand in their profiles that you’re naturally masculine, but the cites allow those who are naturally feminine to sound masculine through messages like sup.

Some even specify that you are of a particular race, height, weight or physique before you consider messaging them. But, those specifications don’t prevent some from being duplicitous by using fake photos or altered photos.

The internet can serve as a magnet for those of us rebounding from a break up or a resource for the resilient that believe love can be found online and foolish enough to believe the odds are in his favor to find it on a sex cite.

Sex cites are the unofficial antidote for loneliness. It’s a device for the depressed as well as a sounding board for homophobic men, and those frustrated with being jaded, heartbroken and disappointed.

My depression moved quickly and deliberately before I realized it was occupying a section of my life. It wasn’t just the residual effects of the break up, but career lulls and financial setbacks too. The depression I experienced was rooted in sex, but it wasn’t just about the depression. It was years of suppression and denial erupting. My suppression was a conscious suppression. I was clear that I had been holding back feelings of being with men. It was like a disease that lay dormant that suddenly surfaced. I was like a church girl who had been sheltered from the world by her minister father only to break loose and run wild the first time she left home.

I had multiple screen names to increase my chances of meeting someone attractive. The majority of the profiles noted HIV negative under status, but I knew better from the work I had done in the HIV community. I knew 1 out of 3 Black gay men was positive. At any given time there were thousands of men online, but only a few listed they were positive on their page and others left it blank—an indicator they too were HIV positive.

The messages I found in my inbox validated me in my depression. In some strange way, they reinforced that I was worthy and deserving. I never used naked pictures nor did I use a face picture as my primary photo because my pride wouldn’t allow it. There was some level of shame for me to be online. It felt desperate to some degree.

Days became weeks then months of me surfing for sex. This erotic surfing was a poor attempt to avoid emotional wounds that wouldn’t heal fast enough for me. It prevented me from thinking too much about what was happening in my life personally, financially and professionally.

Some rebound from break ups at the expense of another person’s feelings, while others sit patiently in the pain and process through it. I used the internet to cope. My days consisted of waking up and logging on to see how many messages had accrued overnight. Some days I sat at the computer all day. I’d look up and the day would be over. The only time I stepped away from the computer was to eat or go to the gym.

This addiction was monopolizing my time and it had spiraled out of control. Phone calls with my friends and family were met with brevity because my attention was occupied by online conversations. No one could compete for my attention. I was locked in a trance reading the messages and scrolling through the naked pictures on the other profiles.

I left social gatherings early to return home to surf online. There was a science to my madness. I kept the site up while I was gone, so I could accumulate messages while I was away from the computer. I sometimes returned to double-digit messages flashing for me.

For my own peace of mind I made small talk with the guys I met in person, so they weren’t total strangers to me when we had sex. It was my way of mitigating the shame I felt of having sex with someone I didn’t know. I even rationalized the sex by reminding myself that I was [dominating] them—they weren’t [dominating] me. But I still couldn’t get used to the emptiness.

Peeling Back the Layers by Lawayne Childrey

By Gwen Clemons -
0

 

Everyday millions of people lose sight of their dreams when life’s gut wrenching curve balls knock them off their feet and out of the game. With the grace of God, that was not the case for Lawayne Orlando Childrey, who has endured some of the most horrific trauma imaginable, including childhood sexual abuse, depression, a crack cocaine addiction and an HIV diagnosis. Childrey beat all the odds to become an award-winning and respected news journalist, a dream he has had since childhood. In his autobiography, Peeling Back the Layers, Childrey demonstrates his ability to persevere during times of immense struggle by relying on the faith that was instilled in him as a child.
– summary from Amazon.com

an excerpt from
Peeling Back the Layers: A Story of Trauma, Grace
by: Lawayne Childrey

How does a troubled, black, gay youth from the deep South grow up to become one of the most respected news journalists in the country? Some may say it takes a considerable amount of talent, hard work and determination. But for me, it also included an immense struggle through a deep sea of adversities, including a crack cocaine addiction and an HIV diagnosis.
At the age of 4 I survived a deadly house fire that claimed the life of my 2-year-old cousin. Between kindergarten and second grade, I was repeatedly sexually abused by my stepfather and forced to watch my mother being beaten by the same man.
Despite those traumatic events, as early as third grade I had dreams of becoming a news reporter. But as fate would have it, distractions left me blindsided.
Being the only child of a now single mother, I, like so many, found myself hanging with the wrong crowd. I began shoplifting and engaging in devious behaviors, but unlike so many of my peers, I never landed in the juvenile justice system.
Throughout high school I excelled in my studies, winning numerous poetry and oratorical contests. However, I flunked out of college, ended up in a number of abusive relationships, and as a young gay black man, was spiritually and emotionally broken and dying from AIDS.
By the time I turned 30, I was the primary caregiver to my mother, who had survived lung and brain cancer and was now suffering from a series of strokes that left her partially paralyzed. I loved her dearly, but the concerns over her health as well as my own left me in a deep depression. To cope, I turned to drugs . . . first marijuana, then crack cocaine.
Finally, I convinced myself that the only real solution to my problems was suicide, but I didn’t have the courage to pull the trigger of a gun or swallow a bottle of sleeping pills. I had hoped the crack would eventually burst my heart, and then I’d end up dead.
By the grace of God, that was not the case. At long last, I decided to rely on the faith that had been instilled in me since childhood. In quiet desperation, I whispered, “Lord, people are always talking about ‘Try God, he can work it out.’ Well, if you can do all they say you can do, please come to my rescue now.”
Life as I had known it changed that day. I checked myself into an intensive drug and emotional rehabilitation facility. After months of therapy, I emerged as a new man determined to fulfill my true purpose in life, which is to speak God’s Word. Not as a preacher speaks to a congregation from a pulpit, but as a man who humbly tells the stories of how his own broken life was restored, renewed and redeemed by faith.

The Heart of the Matter

By isaacsingleton -
0

I recently read a New York Times article that discussed how the Internet is changing the way we think — feeding our growing addiction to information amidst the distractions that ensue as we surf multiple sites, simultaneously or in rapid succession. We troll for weather, news, social media, music, jobs, or any other titillating tidbit all while ads flash at us across the screen because, as the article states, we are “addicted to distraction.”

In fact, our brains love the access to multimedia at our fingertips. As with a drug addiction, the more we get, the more we want. Consequently, we merely skim the surface of content we encounter as the art of going deep into thought has inevitably suffered, threatening to become lost altogether. Not only don’t we read books like we used to; we rarely even bother to finish long articles, instead skimming paragraphs for talking points. More than ever, we are focusing less and multitasking more. Our daily tasks are incessantly interrupted by the sound of incoming messages and our subsequent compulsion to check email, browse sites, and grab our phones for a quick peek, even while driving. (Be honest: How many times have you checked your phone while reading this article?)

Meanwhile, we are thinking and learning at a faster pace than any generation in history. And considering that communication is ever-evolving, we have only to look back in history to observe how technology has impacted our ability to express ourselves to increasing numbers of people at lightning speed Among the positive outcomes of these advancements have been the feats of uniting marginalized people who’d once believed they were alone in their suffering, as well as rallying supporters en masse to change laws, fund causes, out evil-doers, and right wrongs.

So the question now being asked is: Is this “warp speed” access to information harmless, or are there limits we should be imposing?  An even deeper question to consider concerns not just the impact on our brains, but also the impact on our hearts. One answer lies within a principle put forth in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Time is one of our greatest treasures, and the more time we invest in online activity, the more time we are inevitably withdrawing from other meaningful areas — a reality which reveals itself in how much less we now communicate in person compared to how much more readily we instead send a quick text.

If time is our treasure, then wheresoever we choose to invest it, our hearts are bound to follow. Considering this phenomenon, we do have to ponder whether the Internet is not just changing our brains but also redirecting our hearts. That is, with the time and attention we may now give one another from a distance, are we maintaining the same depth and focus as we were when more of that time was devoted to one another in person… or are we multi-tasking there too? It is enough to text or email a friend, or do we need to pick up the phone and make time to engage in person?

Considering that “God so loved the world that He sent His only Son,” Jesus dwelt among us, in the flesh as one of us, precisely because God understood that it was not enough to merely send prophets, signs, or even miracles to convey His message. This message of love could only be grasped fully by seeing, hearing, and touching the Son of God. Thomas would have never believed that Christ had risen unless he had seen Him, heard His voice, and touched His wounds. Word of mouth from friends was not enough. Likewise, there comes a time when we need to be present and available to each other in the flesh; in this day and age, our challenge is to know WHEN and not forget HOW.

Skimming the Internet is one thing, but we must not forget the power of presence “in the flesh,” the quality of which involves a depth unattainable through technology. Yes, the web has connected people all over the world in ways never before thought possible. Still, there is no substitute for actually being present to listen to someone who needs our focused attention and deserves our heartfelt affection. Furthermore, do we know when to turn it all off and be present with ourselves and our Creator in the silence and stillness of the depths of our inner sanctuary?

We must remember to set aside time for matters of the heart and soul, where time stands still. This matter of the heart is not only the heart of the matter — it is the essence of our humanity, and we must never take it for granted.

RIP Amber Starr

By Gwen Clemons -
0

Amber Starr RIP

TRANS LIVES MATTER: Trans Day of Remembrance

By isaacsingleton -
0

More stigmatized and marginalized than any other segment of our community, trans-people are more likely to experience sexual violence than any other segment of the LGBTQ community. While violent hate crimes can happen to any of us, trans-people of color are especially susceptible to society’s trans-phobia and racism, and trans-women are more likely to experience violence, especially domestic violence.

Trans-people’s common experience of job discrimination culminates in higher levels of poverty, which renders even them more vulnerable to violence since such instabilities as financial problems and housing insecurity make it harder to access available resources and protections.

I ardently await the day when the onset of long overdue respect, acceptance, and inclusiveness finally bury such disheartening realities. I would love for people to understand that trans-people are just people — that we are all someone’s child, sister, aunt, cousin, and soulmate, just like they are. And yet for all the above reasons, until that day arrives, it is pivotal that we establish federal protections under the law for the sake of transgender individuals.

Click here to view pictures from the #TransLivesMatter Convention

JANET MOCK: The Path of Authenticity –Embracing your Otherness

By isaacsingleton -
0

Exposing her soul for all the world to see, Janet Mock possesses a heartwarming presence that accentuates her silky poetic speech as she presents in-depth explorations of life and its multitude of spectrums, from the odds stacked against her as child since birth to her triumphs at discovering herself at a young age, beginning with a game of truth or dare at six years old when she accepted the challenge to experiment with all that life had to offer her. There is something about finding your freedom, your inner voice, and embracing who you are that can be liberating, even at a young age, no matter how many heads turn, nasty comments spoken, or evil stares given. No, it wasn’t easy for her in the beginning. Then again, nothing in life is.

Society has created this fear that we must conform in order to make others feel comfortable around us. But at some point, we must all choose to live the life we love and love the life we live. How long can we as people conceal who we are? How long can we all go without living our truths? During this video, Janet reminds us that no matter what gender, race, or age, we must all become fearless and speak up about who we really are. At the conclusion of watching this motivational masterpiece, Janet encourages us all to own who we are and live authentically, asking ourselves, “Who am I? Who am I to me?”

Check out Janet Mock’s message via OWN Networks ‘Super Soul Sundays’ below.

 

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